I can't imagine all the people that you know
And the places that you go
When the lights are turned down low
And I don't understand all the things you've seen
But I'm slipping in between
You and your big dreams
It's always you, in my big dreams
Sunday, August 31, 2008 @ 11:17 PM
come up to meet you, tell you i'm sorry. you don't know how lovely you are. i had to find you tell you i need you tell you i set you apart.
nobody said it was easy noone ever said it would be this hard. oh take me back to the start.
tell me you love me, come back and haunt me, oh and i'll rush to the start.
glastonbury looks amazing.
i'm so tired of all the crap that happens in medicine. i'm trying to put everything tactfully, but my tired head just wants intelligible rantings and frustration in a jumble of words. it's frustrating to keep having to compete with people who are supposed to hold you up, it's frustrating to come up short cause someone cut you short. it's frustrating and tiring to have to hold your own against people who are smarter than you everyday. isn't this supposed to be a career of compassion? i don't understand why people keep stepping on each other to get to the top, people keep stabbing each other in the back, undercutting each other, keeping secrets, keeping "the good stuff" to themselves. what top? there is no top. we all come out of this the same.. i'm tired of watching people suffer quietly, with noone to ask them if anything is wrong, asking them if you could help in any way. i'm sick of people who are just caught up in their own world. i'm tired of people pouring on the care and concern to complete strangers to get a history, when they can't even say hi to someone they've studied with the last 3 years. i'm so sick of people talking about other people behind their backs.
i'm so tired and so sorry for being so guilty of all of this.
i'm so sorry for thinking that medicine is a fucked up place. cause i know it's not. we're in this together. there really is no other way. it's time to take a look in the mirror. take a look at the people around you. it's time for a change. step up and make a difference. be what you came here to be, a healer to all.
and it's most tiring cause i don't know that this will change anything. i know that walking back to hospital, i'll feel the same tenseness in the air, the rank of stale competition from over the weekend and the sourness of resentment, the poisonous whispers behind people's back.
