I can't imagine all the people that you know
And the places that you go
When the lights are turned down low
And I don't understand all the things you've seen
But I'm slipping in between
You and your big dreams
It's always you, in my big dreams
Sunday, August 31, 2008 @ 11:17 PM
come up to meet you, tell you i'm sorry. you don't know how lovely you are. i had to find you tell you i need you tell you i set you apart.
nobody said it was easy noone ever said it would be this hard. oh take me back to the start.
tell me you love me, come back and haunt me, oh and i'll rush to the start.
glastonbury looks amazing.
i'm so tired of all the crap that happens in medicine. i'm trying to put everything tactfully, but my tired head just wants intelligible rantings and frustration in a jumble of words. it's frustrating to keep having to compete with people who are supposed to hold you up, it's frustrating to come up short cause someone cut you short. it's frustrating and tiring to have to hold your own against people who are smarter than you everyday. isn't this supposed to be a career of compassion? i don't understand why people keep stepping on each other to get to the top, people keep stabbing each other in the back, undercutting each other, keeping secrets, keeping "the good stuff" to themselves. what top? there is no top. we all come out of this the same.. i'm tired of watching people suffer quietly, with noone to ask them if anything is wrong, asking them if you could help in any way. i'm sick of people who are just caught up in their own world. i'm tired of people pouring on the care and concern to complete strangers to get a history, when they can't even say hi to someone they've studied with the last 3 years. i'm so sick of people talking about other people behind their backs.
i'm so tired and so sorry for being so guilty of all of this.
i'm so sorry for thinking that medicine is a fucked up place. cause i know it's not. we're in this together. there really is no other way. it's time to take a look in the mirror. take a look at the people around you. it's time for a change. step up and make a difference. be what you came here to be, a healer to all.
and it's most tiring cause i don't know that this will change anything. i know that walking back to hospital, i'll feel the same tenseness in the air, the rank of stale competition from over the weekend and the sourness of resentment, the poisonous whispers behind people's back.
enough. please, enough.
~
@ 1:40 PM
first delivery :) i can really see how they're bundles of joy. most of them are wrapped up in blue or pink blankets (which i find to be so quaint and charming) and happily sleeping, oblivious to the world. there's somehow an enormous calm that babies bring, a sense of hope perhaps? it's the best feeling ever, wandering in between bassinets and just watching them sleep.
so far, loving everything :)
you have to live, because you need to see how the story ends. i miss you so much buddy.
~
Sunday, August 24, 2008 @ 3:13 AM
it was a pretty rough morning, having to rush to a few places. which i often don't mind doing. but i didn't manage to get (any) sleep so being the irritable person i am, i was irritable, irritated and very irritating.
was supposed to submit the kk alpine blossom logo design by noon today. so i trooped down to kkh to pass it to the secretary. but i was unpleasantly surprised that it was closed on sat and sun. so i ended up just constructing an amazingly crappy looking makeshift envelope which i slipped under the door. i hope she gets it!
later in the evening, we went for the fringe festival of the singapore fireworks festival. i think there should have been more fireworks. but the fringe festival was a lot of fun and it had such cute games and things for kids to do. haha. you can go to wenkien or joachim's blog to see more. he won me monkeys! exciting. haha.
my two monkeys :)
finally, this is my submission for the logo.. :)
~
Sunday, August 17, 2008 @ 9:38 PM
of hamsters and breast cancer.
walked past a petshop and decided to go inside to see what i can see.. and what i can see were the cutest hamsters.
somehow have sarah mclachlan in my head :) snippets of some of her songs drift around. nice stuff. i think even if she sang the dictionary, achingly achingly soulful. *loves*
~
Sunday, August 10, 2008 @ 8:15 PM
“You were a million years of work,” Said God and His angels, with needle and thread. They kissed your head and said, “You’re a good kid and you make us proud. So just give your best and the rest will come, And we’ll see you soon.”
I somehow like the idea of God spending time making each and every one of us. Slowly moulding us and knowing all the little flaws on our bodies - a birthmark, a mole, funny shaped eyes. knowing how our noses are shaped, the length of our arms and legs, how smooth our skin is, every hair on our body. everything placed in perfect imperfection with care and love and devotion.
and then you look at every person in your life, the ones close at heart, the ones that come and go and you realise how so very precious each one of them are. that they were made exactly according to plan. and it's a very strange feeling to know that there are no mistakes, in the eye of the One, we were made exactly, wondrously and imperfectly completely perfect.
and that when we look to Him, there is nothing but love for this funny little creature He created out of the thoughts in His mind and the love in His heart for each and every single one of us.
i may not believe what you believe, i may not believe what most of everyone believes. but i feel in my heart there is a God, i love that God, and He loves every single one of us cause we are the funny little things he thought up and watches over.
Keep us all safe.
~
Sunday, August 3, 2008 @ 11:39 PM
The past few days i feel like i've been living in between worlds. living for the first time in the present - caught between the past and the future. living in between light, the real world, the bright sunlight and the darkness in a strange shadowy twilight.
The last couple of days have been so bright, incongruously so, that when i open my eyes, i stagger a bit, semi blinded, semi asleep, caught again in between two worlds.
i've become comfortable in this grey. close enough to touch the past. quiet enough to rest my head, rest my weary head and heart. where the jarring brightness of the day shines through in muted colours and muted voices and sounds that don't seem like they belong in my world, in my twilight.
so i wander the land in between, away from the senseless noise, away from the rat race of life. but i realise that the brightness calls back for me and my friend i cannot see pushes me away, back to the light.
It's painfully bright this light. I squint my eyes against it, watch the beams stream through my fingers, held up in a futile attempt to recreate my twilight. the noise assaults me, i'm so used to the quiet, muted streams of sounds, the music i hear in the silence.
i know i must. but give me a little time, let me stay near you a little while more and i promise, soon.
