Monday, May 12, 2008 @ 12:41 AM


Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.

That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

So this is something I read on a website.. And it makes me wonder. Is someone who jumps off the 7th floor in a more serious condition than someone who jumps from the 3rd floor? Does it detract from how debilitated the person is if they only think about suicide everyday but never act on it? Is it ever fair to say "that's not enough to kill yourself over?" or "he wasn't that serious.. he only took 15 pills."

I also read the dsm criteria for depression and it sounded so cold and clinical.

A. Five (or more) of the following symptoms have been present during the same 2-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure.

Note: Do note include symptoms that are clearly due to a general medical condition, or mood-incongruent delusions or hallucinations.

(1) depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad or empty) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful). Note: In children and adolescents, can be irritable mood.

(2) markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observation made by others)

(3) significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day. Note: In children, consider failure to make expected weight gains.

(4) insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day

(5) psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down)

(6) fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day

(7) feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick)

(8) diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others)

(9) recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide

B. The symptoms do not meet criteria for a Mixed Episode.

C. The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

D. The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., hypothyroidism).

E. The symptoms are not better accounted for by Bereavement, i.e., after the loss of a loved one, the symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional impairment, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness, suicidal ideation, psychotic symptoms, or psychomotor retardation.

and when I think about prozac nation and the little that i remember of it, depression seems so much more emotional than anhedonia, avolition, loss of appetite, loss of sleep and early awakening. The single thing that stood out the most when i read it was that it was such logical sadness. and it was so utterly raw and bare and so very.. annoying. depression is such a needy disease. Does it detract from you as a person that you are unable to handle your emotions/sadness/loneliness? Does it make you less of a person. Obviously functional decline would account for a decrease in capability of the person. But does it make someone inherently a weaker, more flawed person having this disease? perhaps it is just self centredness, self indulgence, selfishness - a state of thinking about yourself so much that little else matters other than your moany sob stories about how down you are, how worthless you are, how sad you are, how you can't sleep.

There are so many ways to define a person - good or bad, physically, emotionally, spiritually. But i wonder, is it that we have these characteristics that people define us by it or do we breed these characteristics that people decide to label onto us? chicken-egg-chicken-egg?

Strange thoughts indeed.
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